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Doesn't have to be.

So, I kept trying to find this to write. Not the exact scene, but something like it. Because Roa kept saying she wanted to see Peloth give Miniyal a talking to. Although it is not much of one. :) Anyway, vague attempts to try to get Miss Broken High Reaches Every Turn a wee bit better before it's too late. ;) I have to do something. *sniffles* None of you people I need are never around! Stupid RLs! Who said they could interfere with my character development???? <3

Note: This happens right after this scene here.


See? There was nothing for you to worry about. That went well.

Well? That was not well. I am never well around either of them and together? No, that could have been worse but only if someone had hit me.


I’m not sure if the sudden tensing of her muscles under me was just because she was about to leave the ledge. I leaned forward, partly to comfort her and partly because I liked the way it felt during a take off. Like what I imagined it first felt like if you jumped off a cliff. A terrified thrill before it was all fine.

I wish we could stay up here. And like that the beginnings of asking about a bath were gone. Instead she spread her wings wider and caught a cold updraft to take us higher. We weren’t supposed to be out like this.

Because of Hildgeth. As if we would make the same mistake. I fly better than him. You are better than his was. That she continued to remember his name was something of a surprise. I kept waiting for her to forget, but she hadn’t. Not yet at least. There wasn’t really anywhere we could go, but it was enough to stay up for a little while.

I don’t think I’d ever really seen the appeal of flying before. Sometimes, when I was stuck in a class she would fly just for me. It wasn’t hard for her to find someone willing to accompany her and sometimes even if she couldn’t she would until caught. I should be paying attention in class, sure. But someone always took notes and I could just read them and see what was important and miss the boring stuff.

Besides, when she was flying without me she did more tricks. Sometimes it wasn’t so bad sitting in a class when I could distract myself with her up in the air. I don’t know what I would do without you. You make me happy.

It is not as if you will ever have to find out. I will always be with you. We will never be apart.

She said it a lot, but that was only because I had to hear it all the time. I shouldn’t, but there was plenty I needed I shouldn’t.

Why did you not stay longer? You could have. I was talking and was fine. You were upset. Who upset you?

I don’t know what you mean. No one upset me. I’m fine. I could stop lying to her, but it was hard. I was too used to just saying I was fine. Come on. We better get down before we get in trouble. And we have to have time for your bath.

I didn’t want to land and she circled down slowly for me even though she knows I prefer it when she goes faster. You were jealous. It was enough to distract me from the landing. The jarring return to earth I had no desire to be on these days. I should be getting better. Two turns, Neiran had said. Not that I wanted to believe a word he said. Better to think about other things.

Like why you were jealous. Why? She insisted on asking as I removed her straps in the cold. I don’t want to talk about it.

You need to talk about it. And you will not talk to anyone else although I have told you it is a good idea. I want to make you happy and you will not let me.

I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was the hurt in her voice. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe I’d just had enough. Whatever the cause was I guess I should be thankful it was late evening and no one wanted to be out in the cold. Peloth was fast enough that by the time I’d turned into her she was crouched down so I could. I don’t think it’s the bath she had in mind, but once I’d started crying I couldn’t seem to stop.

It’s just not fair. I’m no worse than anyone else. Everyone else gets to be happy. People find each other and fall in love and are together. Why didn’t I get to have someone longer? I don’t want to be alone. I’m not alone, I have you and you’re the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me, but I don’t want to have nothing else. I want to be happy again and I shouldn’t think that being happy requires someone else because it shouldn’t, but I miss him. He was taken from me and I want him back. It’s not fair.

Coherent thought wasn’t so easy when my chest hurt from crying. Or maybe it was just my heart. Stupid foolishness. It was fine. But it felt like every single tiny piece was breaking again. It would never be whole again. How could it?

He would not want this. I do not want this. You do not let anyone assist you. You cannot do this alone. Please let me help you. If you want to be happy you have to let someone help you.

I wiped one gloved hand over my eyes and shook my head. Straightening up I couldn’t help but to look around to be sure no one had seen me. I couldn’t let anyone /see/ how bad off I was. They could guess or wonder or suspect, but I had to appear fine. If you do not show you need help you will not get it.

Shut up. I’m fine. I’m fine. I have to be. I don’t know what else do be. I stared at the straps in my hands although I’m not sure I was seeing them. I could feel them as easily as I could feel her next to me and inside my head.

You know what to be.

I did. I just didn’t want to be- Come on, brat. You need a bath. And I needed a drink. If she’d let me have one. The brat.

Comments

( 1 opinion — Say it like you mean it. )
roatelgari
Aug. 1st, 2007 01:49 am (UTC)
It was, I think, just the right amount of talking to. It was wat Miniyal needed. Poor broken Min. Crying is definitely better than insisting she doesn't need to.

I sort of liked these two lines:

I don’t know what I would do without you. You make me happy.

It is not as if you will ever have to find out. I will always be with you. We will never be apart.


because the way they're set up you can't tell, until you read a bit further, who said what.

I also love that Miniyal's favorite moment in flying is the bit where you think you might fall. That seems very very Miniyal.
( 1 opinion — Say it like you mean it. )